Rethinking masculinity involves questioning the traditional stereotypes and finding personal definitions. The journey for many, including Ash Perez, means exploring a balance between societal norms and individual expression.
Perez, a transgender man and a part of the Try Guys, delves into this journey of understanding masculinity through personal experiences and interactions with peers.
Exploring Masculinity Beyond Traditional Limits
As Perez embarked on his transition to manhood, he was faced with a curious challenge: understanding masculinity without the guidance of a father. He lost his dad to the Covid-19 pandemic, leaving a void in understanding traditional male roles. Therefore, Perez had to seek a deeper understanding elsewhere, turning to peers and personal introspection to craft his vision of masculinity.
Born and socialized as a female, Perez was determined not to rely solely on media stereotypes of men. The societal image of masculinity—often tied to aggression and emotional reservation—was something he approached cautiously. Perez noted that fear of men had shadowed much of his life due to the violence attributed to males, emphasizing how defining manhood for himself was a daunting task.
In his quest to redefine masculinity, Perez engaged in candid conversations with his friends while partaking in activities traditionally associated with men. He soon realized that his friends were also struggling with societal perceptions. Many felt that traditional male ideals, like excelling in sports or earning wealth, were unattainable and limiting to their true selves.
The Role of Social Support
Perez’s past experiences primarily involved female social circles, such as his time in a college sorority. This gave him a glimpse into how women support each other emotionally, especially post-breakups.
Transitioning into male social spaces revealed stark differences. Men are not typically conditioned to express emotions openly. As Perez observed, men often resort to activities like drinking to let their guard down and share feelings. Emotional exchanges among men happen but are often indirect, frequently occurring alongside another activity like a game of poker.
The challenge for Perez and his peers was to break the silence around emotions. Zach Kornfeld, a fellow content creator, agreed that traditional masculinity promotes silence over emotional expression, which leads to loneliness. Perez discovered that men do want emotional connections but lack the societal teachings to express or even acknowledge them.
Redefining Masculinity
Perez spoke of the light and positivity within masculinity that often gets overshadowed by the ‘toxic’ label attributed to it.
He found gratification in physical expression, with sports and exercise seen not just as a means of personal betterment but also of building connections.
Garcia, one of Perez’s friends, shared his excitement about fantasy sports, highlighting how it becomes a channel to bond with male family members and friends. It’s a playful space, providing a feeling of camaraderie and closeness that society’s masculine ideals often lack.
A Path Towards Change
Nick Rufca shares his journey towards understanding his masculine identity, noting the challenge of balancing masculine and feminine traits as a gay man.
Perez advocates for self-reflection as a crucial step in redefining manhood, suggesting journaling and introspective conversations as initial steps. Expanding one’s social and emotional awareness can lead to a richer understanding of masculinity.
Cast member Kwesi James emphasises the importance of therapy. He observed how men in his community have battled their emotions with anger, recommending professional help to break this violent cycle.
The Impact of Conversations
Perez’s experiences highlight the transformations possible when men talk about their feelings, even risking vulnerability to foster authentic connections.
Risking openness can set off a ‘positive chain reaction’, as Perez calls it. Simple acts like asking someone how they’re doing can lead to deeper conversations where men feel free to express and share their challenges.
As relationships deepen through these conversations, the portrayal of masculinity can shift from a solitary battle to a supportive, collective adventure.
Lessons from the ‘New Guy Tries’ Series
Perez’s video series offered an engaging platform for conversations around masculinity, providing content with a modern perspective.
Each episode featured Perez navigating a new aspect of manhood, from getting a barber shop haircut to wearing his first suit. These experiences were not just about the actions themselves but the discussions they sparked about male identity.
The series shows that learning about masculinity is an ongoing journey, demonstrating how personal and social definitions of being a man continue to evolve.
Addressing the Emotional Gap
The disparity between expected male stoicism and the emotional needs of men creates a gap that is challenging to bridge.
Confronting this gap requires acknowledging the ‘crisis of connection’ many men face, which can only be remedied through communication and emotional honesty.
By seeking support and opening up about personal challenges, men like Perez are forging new paths towards meaningful interactions and emotional fulfillment.
The Influence of Society
Society’s expectations exert profound influence on how masculinity is perceived and performed.
Perez notes that conventional expectations still dictate much of masculine behavior, often stifling emotional expression.
Through introspection and dialogue, men can begin to define masculinity in terms that feel authentic and unrestrictive.
The Ongoing Journey of Masculinity
Perez’s exploration illustrates that understanding masculinity is a dynamic process involving both personal and societal insights. It’s an invitation for other men to embark on their own reflective journeys.
While the path may not be straightforward, embracing the spectrum of masculine identities offers a broader, more inclusive understanding of what it means to be a man.
Perez’s journey highlights the complexities of redefining masculinity today. Through engaging conversations and introspection, it is possible to create spaces for authentic male connections.
